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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25272538">Fix Myself</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/PJO_Connoisseur/pseuds/PJO_Connoisseur'>PJO_Connoisseur</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Percy Jackson and the Olympians &amp; Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Acephobia, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Asexual Character, Asexual Nico di Angelo, Asexuality, Bonding, Fluff, Internalized Acephobia, Jason Grace Needs a Hug, M/M, Nico di Angelo Needs a Hug, One Night Stands, sexual pressure</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-07-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 08:15:06</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>7,451</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25272538</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/PJO_Connoisseur/pseuds/PJO_Connoisseur</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>After getting dumped for refusing to have sex with his boyfriend, Nico is determined to fix his asexuality with a one night stand. It doesn't go according to plan.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Nico di Angelo/Jason Grace</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>208</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Fix Myself</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Mild TW: brief sexual pressure and guilting (not within pairing), Nico attempts to initiate sex he doesn't genuinely want (and is quickly shut down)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Nico hummed as he lit the candles he was using as a centerpiece. The small table was draped in a tablecloth and set for dinner, the lasagna Nico had made about to finish cooking. His boyfriend Nathan would be over any minute, and he was excited.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico knew six months wasn’t a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but even though he was twenty-two, Nathan was his first boyfriend. They’d met in one of Nico’s college art courses the semester before and were now both in their senior year. All of these small milestones meant something to Nico even if they were probably small to Nathan, who’d had a couple serious partners in the past.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico was taking the lasagna out of the oven when a knock came from the front door. He smiled, taking off his oven mitts and rushing over to open it. Standing in the hall of Nico’s apartment building was Nathan, all dark hair, deep brown eyes, and effortless confidence.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hey, babe,” Nathan said, pulling him into a kiss. After pulling back, he stepped into the apartment, eyes on the dinner setup. “What’s all this?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Today’s six months for us,” Nico said, hoping he didn’t sound immature to be making a thing out of it. “I made lasagna.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan smiled and kissed him again. “It smells amazing.” He closed the door behind him, then held out Nico’s chair with a wink. Nathan served them each a large slice, settling into the seat across from Nico.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The dinner conversation was light, each of them chatting away about their days. When the meal was done, they cleaned up together before moving their activities over to the couch.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you,” Nathan murmured against Nico’s lips before kissing him. With finals the past week, they’d both been too busy to see each other, making this a small reunion.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I missed you too,” Nico said between kisses. He deepened the kiss, slipping his tongue into Nathan’s mouth, while Nathan leaned Nico back, hovering over him. While Nico’s fingers were tangling in Nathan’s hair, Nathan held himself up with one forearm, the other trailing over Nico’s abs and making him shiver beneath the contact. Nathan broke the kiss, instead sucking and biting his way down Nico’s neck, turning Nico’s breathing ragged. Nico was tipping his head back, granting Nathan optimal access, when Nathan sat up, his hands undoing the button of Nico’s jeans.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico froze for a few seconds before grabbing Nathan’s wrist as he pulled down his zipper.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan frowned at him. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico pulled himself out from under his boyfriend, redoing his zipper and button. His heart was pounding, bile threatening to rise in his throat. “I told you I don’t…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan ran a hand through his hair. “It’s been six months, Nico. How long are you expecting me to wait?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico’s throat was tight, tears forming in his eyes though he didn’t dare let them fall. “I told you before we started dating that I’m not into sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan gave him a look that was half irritated, half patronizing. “I know. Which just means you haven’t had </span>
  <em>
    <span>good</span>
  </em>
  <span> sex. I can make you feel good if you’d just let me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not about that,” Nico snapped. “I’m just not interested. I told you that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought you just needed time,” Nathan said, jaw set as he was standing and turning to face Nico. “Like you just needed a while to get comfortable with me. I was fine with waiting.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I never asked you to wait,” Nico said, wishing he was mad but instead emotionally withdrawing. “I told you I’m asexual.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought the asexual thing was just because the people you’ve been with weren’t your type. I thought you liked me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico stood. “I </span>
  <em>
    <span>do</span>
  </em>
  <span> like you.” He took Nathan’s hands, but Nathan yanked them back.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you don’t,” Nathan said. “People sleep with people they like. If you can’t do that, why are you even with me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico flinched, stepping back. “Because I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Do you have any idea how many people hit on me?” Nathan said, shaking his head. “All the time, the offer is there, and I always turn it down for you. Do you have an idea how hard it is for me to reject attractive people when I’m not even getting any from my boyfriend?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico collapsed to the couch, looking at his hands when looking at Nathan became too difficult. “I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan settled beside him. “I make so many sacrifices for you. This isn’t fair to me.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry,” Nico repeated, voice cracking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan placed his hand on Nico’s thigh, using the other to turn Nico’s head to face him. “I deal without sex all the time for you. Can’t you compromise for once?” He slid his hand so he was rubbing Nico’s inner thigh.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nausea tied knots in Nico’s stomach, and he had to fight not to push Nathan’s hand away. “I-I…” He swallowed. “I don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan’s hand halted, then withdrew. “Right. I forgot it’s always about what you want, my wants and needs be damned.” He stood, grabbing his jacket. His back was turned to Nico when he said, “I think we should break up.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico shot to his feet. “What?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m not going to play this game with you, Nico. I can’t be with someone who only thinks about himself,” Nathan said. “We’re done.” He walked toward the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nathan, wait.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan turned to face him, his expression unimpressed. “Are you changing your mind?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico averted his gaze. “N-no.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nathan sighed. “Then there’s nothing left to talk about. See you around, maybe.” Then he was gone, leaving Nico to sob the night away on his own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Nico woke up Saturday morning, he looked and felt like trash. All of his energy went into dragging himself to the shower. Thankfully he didn’t have to work today, but he was still going out tonight. If he could learn to tolerate sex, he could fix this.</span>
</p><p>
  
</p><p>
  <span>Nico was wearing dark jeans and a black button-up with the sleeves rolled up as he sat at the bar, nice enough to attract positive attention but not so nice that he looked like he was trying too hard. He was trying to be casual as he was sipping his drink, scoping out the bar for anyone of interest. Although his gut was already telling him to leave, he ignored his instinct, rooted to his seat.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In his distraction, Nico took a minute to notice the man who had slid into the stool beside him. Nico was subtle in checking him out, side-eyeing him and taking in his broad chest, visibly muscled through his just-large-enough T-shirt, and brilliant blue eyes accented by black glasses and golden hair. His jawline was sharp, and Nico’s eyes followed it to the scar on his lip, which shouldn’t have been attractive but absolutely was. While there was nothing sexual about Nico’s attraction to this stranger, Nico wouldn’t mind him being the last thing he saw before he died.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stranger was glancing at him in return, and Nico must not have been as subtle as he hoped, because a pastel pink blush spread across the man’s cheeks. The man’s embarrassment didn’t halt his periodic looks, though, even as he fidgeted with the coaster his drink came on, holding said drink with his other hand. Nico hadn’t expected these displays of shyness from a guy who looked like he was chiseled out of marble, but they only made him more endearing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You come here often?” Nico asked, angling his body toward the stranger. The line was terrible and he knew it, but he didn’t have a better one and didn’t want to miss an opportunity.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The man swallowed. “No. Bars—bars aren’t really my scene.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>That response checked out with his demeanor.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The stranger continued, “I’m Jason.” He held out a hand, Nico blinking at it, taken aback by the formal greeting. Jason’s blush flared red and he mumbled an apology as his hand lowered, but Nico broke out of his funk and grabbed it, given it a single solid shake accompanied by a smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Nico said. “I just, uh, I’m not used to people doing handshakes outside interviews.” </span>
  <em>
    <span>Especially cute guys at the bar</span></em><span>, he chose not to add.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason had a small smile that bordered on gratitude, as if he’d expected Nico to mock the handshake offer.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh, uh, and I’m Nico,” he said, rubbing the back of his neck as his face warmed. Never in his life had he claimed to be smooth.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason,” Jason said, then blinked, burying his face in his hands. “Oh my god, how obvious is it that I don’t go out much?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Pretty obvious,” Nico said, but both the words and his light laughter were free of judgment.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason peeked at him through his fingers before uncovering his face. “I can’t believe you’re not already over this interaction. Shouldn’t guys as hot as you be chatting up, I don’t know, people with basic social skills or something?” Jason spoke so calmly Nico was forced to conclude he hadn’t put conscious effort into the flirting.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico grinned against his drink as he took a sip. “You continued to talk to someone who opened with ‘You come here often?’ so I think we’re both debunking that assumption.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason paused for a moment, and Nico could see when the flirtatious meaning clicked in Jason’s head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Besides,” Nico said, “you’re the only interesting person I’ve seen all night.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Same,” Jason said with a smile, easing up. “Dare I ask what’s so interesting about me?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico rubbed his chin, scrutinizing Jason to tease him, although he stopped when Jason seemed to shrink under his gaze, feeling bad. “It’s just—in addition to looking like a god, you’ve just got this vibe. Nervous and well-meaning.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason laughed. “Nervous and well-meaning. Just what everyone wants to hear from the cute guy at the bar, right?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s not a bad thing,” Nico clarified. “I kind of like it. Makes you easy to be around.” He meant it; the anxiety he’d been feeling was gone as long as he didn’t think about his plans for the night. He smirked, leaning toward Jason without entering his personal bubble. “Why?” he said with more confidence than he felt. “How were you hoping to come across?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The nerves hadn’t entirely left Jason, but he leaned in as well, leaving mere inches between himself and Nico. “Sexy and mysterious, maybe.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico chuckled, swallowing the bubble of discomfort that arose, keeping to himself that Jason never had a chance of being sexy to him. Jason was blatantly attractive, and there was probably a reality very close to this one in which Nico found Jason sexy and would be excited to take him home, but Nico wasn’t in that reality. He was in this one, where he found Jason aesthetically pleasing and would be excited to take him on a date and kiss that scar on his lip; where he wasn’t going to do that, because he had a problem to solve and right now Jason looked like the solution.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico was ignoring the voice in the back of his head when he said, “I live nearby, if you want to get out of here.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>There was a split second of hesitation on Jason’s face during which Nico was sure he’d misread this conversation, but then Jason was nodding with that uncertain smile and letting Nico lead him out of the bar.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico held both gratitude and resentment for the brevity of the walk to his apartment. The awkwardness was limited, but so was his time to calm down. He was trying and failing to convince himself this was a good idea but also that he should stop, so he didn’t. Instead he unlocked his apartment door, letting Jason amble past him. The click of the door closing behind them nearly made Nico’s heart stop.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You, uh, want something to drink?” The semi-suave demeanor from the bar was eroding at an alarming rate. He hung up his jacket before taking and hanging up Jason’s as well.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Water is good,” Jason said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico smiled as he served a glass of ice water from the tap. Jason came across like the kind of guy who drank water with most meals because it was healthy. He probably genuinely enjoyed salads, too.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico was handing Jason the glass when he said, “I’m surprised someone like you is as shy as you are.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason took a sip. “Someone like me?” They settled next to each other on the couch, Jason setting his drink on the end table.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico gestured up and down Jason’s body. “Yeah. Looking like that, and seemingly being a nice guy. It’s like you’re self-conscious but you have no reason to be.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason opened and closed his mouth before rubbing the back of the neck. “I’m really self-critical, I guess,” he said. “And I’ve never been good with people. Not in a real way, anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A real way?” Nico asked.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason nodded. “Yeah, it’s like...My dad owns this company, and I’ve always been the trophy son of sorts, a prize to show off. So I go to all these fancy dinners and charity events with his colleagues and clients, speaking and acting the way I’m supposed to to make him look good. For a long time that was the bulk of my interaction, faking my way through it to keep up an image. So now I get to regular social interactions where no one expects anything of me, and I don’t know how to function. I’m not used to being around people when I’m not in Golden Boy mode, and I guess on some level I feel like whatever’s underneath that persona isn’t going to be enough.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason stopped, a fiery red creeping up his neck. “But uh, I guess you didn’t invite me here to listen to my personal baggage,” he said, rubbing his neck again and not quite meeting Nico’s eyes.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The truth was Nico would </span>
  <em>
    <span>love</span>
  </em>
  <span> to keep listening to Jason talk about himself, personal baggage and all. He was interested and wanted to ask questions. Maybe he even wanted Jason to put his arm around his so he could snuggle into his chest while he talked, and maybe he even wanted to kiss him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>But he was right. All the things Nico </span>
  <em>
    <span>wanted</span>
  </em>
  <span> from Jason were not the reason Jason was here. His heart rate picked up, a sharp twist in his stomach.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason leaned in, cupping Nico’s face with one hand. “Can I kiss you?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico had invited this guy back to his apartment for a one night stand, and he was asking to kiss him. Nico melted right then and there, and god he didn’t want to go through with this plan, and he nodded.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason’s lips were as soft as his personality, the kiss slow and sweet, the kind Nico could get lost in. He could feel the subtle curve of the scar on Jason’s lip, especially when Nico’s tongue prodded for entrance that was granted to him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico had never kissed a stranger before, but kissing Jason wasn’t what he would have expected kissing a stranger to be like. He had anticipated awkwardness and fumbling, but although they took a minute to find their rhythm, this felt normal, easy. Jason was so gentle it was impossible to feel intimidated or put off, and in the back of his mind Nico couldn’t help comparing this to his first kiss with Nathan, who had been much rougher.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Nico shifted to straddle Jason, Jason wrapped his free arm around his waist, helping him. The arm stayed there once he was in place, keeping him close. Nico’s hands slid under Jason’s shirt, stroking over his abs, a touch Jason responded well to. Nico was good with this, he was comfortable, but he knew it had to escalate. That was the whole point of this. He was going to make himself okay with sex.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico tugged on Jason’s shirt, and Jason broke the kiss to pull the fabric over his head before doing the same to Nico. A wave of anxiety washed over Nico, but he pushed that feeling away, focusing all his thoughts on what he was doing. The former trace of hesitation was on Jason’s face when their eyes met, but before Nico could think too much of it, Jason’s lips were on his neck.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This okay?” Jason whispered against his skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Nico said, breathless. “Bedroom?” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason stood, Nico’s legs wrapping around his waist as Jason carried him. On the bed Jason hovered over Nico, lips still on his neck, careful and calculated. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>If this was all that was going to happen tonight, Nico would have been enjoying himself. He liked making out, he liked having his neck kissed and sucked, he liked a degree of groping and exploration. What he didn’t like was moving below the belt, which was where all those other things always led. The prospect of Jason moving to undo his pants any minute now made him want to vomit.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico didn’t realize he was tensing up until Jason was pulling back, face riddled with concern. He wasn’t touching Nico at all when he said, “Nico? Are you okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Nico said with force. He pulled Jason back in for a kiss, reaching for his pants even as doing so made him stiffen further.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason grabbed his wrists, breaking the kiss and pulling back again. “Nico,” Jason said, “bringing me back here doesn’t mean you have to go through with it. We don’t have to have sex.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to,” Nico insisted despite how his voice broke. All at once he felt like crying.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason shifted to sit next to him, taking Nico’s hand and rubbing circles on the back of it. “No, you clearly don’t,” Jason said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason’s hand was soothing. “What about you?” Nico asked. “You looked like you were hesitating, too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason sighed, letting go of Nico’s hand to retrieve their shirts, which they both put back on. Then his hand was back on Nico’s, returning to the motion. “My girlfriend just broke up with me for being boring,” he admitted. “I’m not a one-night stand kind of person, but I thought...I thought maybe if I did something spontaneous and wild like that, I could learn to be more exciting. Stupid plan, I know.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not as stupid as mine,” Nico said. “I...I’m asexual and sex-repulsed. Yesterday my boyfriend dumped me for not having sex with him even though I told him I didn’t want to before we started dating. He said...he said I only think about myself. I thought maybe I could have a one-night stand and learn to tolerate it to get him back.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What a jackass,” Jason said, face scrunching up. “That’s not selfish.” When Nico shrugged, Jason tilted Nico’s head to meet his eyes. “I’m serious, Nico. That’s bullshit. He had no right to try to </span>
  <em>
    <span>guilt</span>
  </em>
  <span> you into sex. The only sex you should be having is sex you’re both into, and if you don’t want to, you don’t want to, end of story.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico chewed his lip. “Maybe...maybe you’re right. You were more respectful of my boundaries tonight than he ever was. He never asked before he did things.” He leaned into Jason, resting his head on his shoulder. “It sucks your ex-girlfriend didn’t like you as you are, but being incompatible with her doesn’t mean you should change. Even if you </span>
  <em>
    <span>are</span>
  </em>
  <span> boring, which I don’t think you are, there’s nothing wrong with that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason looked down at him with a half smile, quirking the scar on his lip. “Maybe. I </span>
  <em>
    <span>am</span>
  </em>
  <span> boring though. Most nights I just want to stay in to read or watch movies or do puzzles. I don’t think that’s how most twenty-something guys spend their weekends.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico hummed in contemplation. “I don’t think that’s boring. It sounds nice, actually. Relaxing.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Really?” Jason tilted his head, and when Nico hummed again in confirmation, he put his arm around him, watching for his reaction.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico smiled. “Plus,” Nico said, “your whole schtick with your dad would be a great supervillain backstory. I can see it now: upper class son gets sick of being a trophy and swears vengeance on the elites, if not capitalism as a whole.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason laughed, a sound that made Nico sink further into him. Jason had a calming presence. “Sounds about right,” Jason said. “He’s putting me through law school, and I may or may not have neglected to tell him I’m becoming a human rights lawyer. I’ll probably end up suing his company some day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico grinned. “That’s amazing. And definitely not boring. I think you’re a very interesting person, Jason.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason chuckled. “You too.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico lifted his head. “And why’s that?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you deserve better than your ex-boyfriend,” Jason said, “and the fact that you don’t know that means you probably haven’t dated before despite being, what, early twenties? And it was probably a relatively new relationship if it took this long for sex to become an issue. Anyway, you were kind of late to start dating, not that I’m judging. You’re here with a guy plus being asexual, so you’ve got at least a couple queer identities going on, and maybe I’m totally off-base but I’m going to guess that’s at least part of the reason you only now were with your first boyfriend. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And, entirely separate from all that, your apartment is full of art. I feel like anyone that geared toward art would feel compelled to make it, so I bet you’re an artist or art student, maybe both. I can see a couple art textbooks on your desk over there, so I’m definitely convinced of the art student thing now, and I’d bet some of the displayed art is your own.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So yeah,” Jason said, smiling at him. “I think you’re interesting.” He bit his lip. “How’d I do with my analysis?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico opened and closed his mouth. “Almost spot on.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Almost?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico looked away. “You were right about everything except the reason I took so long to date. I mean, you were partially right, the being gay and ace thing was part of it, but it wasn’t just that.” He shrugged. “I just...I’m not good with people.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You seemed to have no problem with me at the bar,” Jason said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That was different,” Nico said. “I was on a mission.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason grimaced. “So you wouldn’t have been interested in me otherwise?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not what I meant,” Nico said with enough force that he turned red at the outburst. “I approached you because you were attractive and seemed reserved. You weren’t intimidating, and I mean that in the most complimentary way possible. Like, you seemed like a good guy is what I’m saying. I would have been attracted to you regardless, although admittedly I wouldn’t have been at the bar to meet you if I hadn’t been...trying to fix myself.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason nodded, smile returning, though he said. “You’re not broken, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I feel broken. B-but anyway,” Nico said, surging ahead. “The people thing. I wasn’t well-liked when I was younger, kind of a loser I guess. I was insecure and shy, too, so I didn’t talk to people much. But then when I entered college, that limited interaction when I was in high school made it hard for me to make friends. Honestly, that was why I was so surprised when Nathan asked me out. I was used to being invisible.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s hard to imagine you being invisible,” Jason said. Seeing Nico’s inquisitive look, he explained, “You stood out to me at the bar. Better dressed than most of the people there and honestly looking a little lost, like you didn’t know why you were there.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico snorted. “I was second-guessing myself for obvious reasons. You have a good eye, though. Observant and analytical.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Necessary traits,” Jason said. “The events I attended were like a game. I couldn’t remember who everyone was, so I had to be able to pick up on details to understand each person enough to make small talk with them and seem like I knew who they were. You’d think the people my own age would be better, but they weren’t. For them I had to decipher if they were like me and didn’t want to be there or were someone who was more than happy to be born with a silver spoon in their mouth and intended to take their rightful place in their parents’ company. Those people were looking for alliances if not straight up romance for business’s sake, and I had to straddle the line between making an enemy and encouraging their intentions.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sounds like you spent a lot of time in the lion’s den,” Nico said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Something like that,” Jason said. “Piper wasn’t my first girlfriend, but she was the first person I was serious with. Daughter of a famous movie star, but that was a coincidence. When she asked me out I was less surprised and more skeptical. I was used to an onslaught of romantic interest, but it was always for ulterior motives. She didn’t have any ulterior motives, though. She genuinely liked me. Or at least she did for awhile.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason laughed without humor. “I guess part of the reason getting dumped hurt so much and I was so desperate to fix it was that I was trying to prove to myself that someone could love me without the money, the company, the name recognition. But who knows, maybe there isn’t that much to me under all that, or least not anything of value.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bullshit,” Nico said, irritation flaring despite having only met Jason that night. He sat up without shaking Jason’s arm. “I know I don’t really know you that well, but I refuse to believe all you are is reputation. Being observant and analytical was a skill you learned from the events, sure, but it’s still something you did of your own accord, and it still matters. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And you’re just really thoughtful, okay? I’ve never had someone </span>
  <em>
    <span>ask</span>
  </em>
  <span> to kiss me. I’d never even thought about it, but Nathan just took things, and you asked, because even though I’m some guy who brought you home with the explicit intent of having sex with you, you still wanted to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>sure</span></em><span>. And then you just kept paying attention to how I was feeling and stopped at the first sign I wasn’t into it.” Nico crossed his arms, semi-embarrassed that he was passionately defending a guy he just met from </span>
  <em>
    <span>himself</span></em><span>.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason stared at him, sky eyes wide, completely bewildered. “I almost feel like I should apologize to you, but I was being mean to myself, so I feel like that’s definitely weird.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, you should definitely apologize,” Nico said. “You should feel bad about being a dick to yourself like that.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason offered a smile that was equal parts amused and unsure. “You’re very intense for someone who doesn’t know me. How do you know I’m not secretly an empty shell of a person with no discernible personality?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Because you have a lot of personality,” Nico said, still firm in tone. “Everything I already went off about. And you’re funny. You’re even smooth when you stop overthinking it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Am I now?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“‘Shouldn’t guys as hot as you be chatting up, I don’t know, people with basic social skills or something?’” Nico repeated in his best Jason impression, which was an awful one.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason blushed. “That just kind of slipped out,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Exactly,” Nico said. “You stopped overthinking, and it was really smooth. If I’d genuinely wanted a one-night stand, I would have been all over you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason laughed, a sheepish grin taking over.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s true,” Nico said. “I like you more when we’re not trying to fuck each other. You’re fun and easy to talk to, and cute in a dorky, doesn’t-really-know-what-he’s-doing sort of way, which I think is the best way to be cute.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And what if I want to be hot?” Jason said with a raised eyebrow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You’re effortlessly hot,” Nico said. “Hot is a state of being, but cute is a </span>
  <em>
    <span>vibe</span></em><span>. It’s harder to be cute than hot, and much more endearing, and you, Jason, are extremely cute. You remind me of Captain America.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason laughed, big and bellowing. “God, this is really not how I saw my night going.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me neither,” Nico said, “but I consider this a major improvement.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Me too,” Jason said, his smile so soft Nico’s heart nearly stopped. Jason cleared his throat, pink back on his face. “But we’ve spent too much time on me. What about you?” He released Nico and stood, making Nico frown after him until he saw Jason examining one of the drawings hanging on his bedroom wall. “How’d you get into art?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Coming to stand beside him, Nico said, “It’s always been something of a hobby for me, but I got serious about it in high school. I know it’s a cliche but I guess I had a lot of pent up emotions I needed to put somewhere before I exploded.” He pointed to the portrait Jason was examining. “That’s Percy, a friend of mine from high school.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Did you love him?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico laughed though it was tinged with embarrassment. “That obvious, huh? It wasn’t to him, though. It was just a crush. I was bullied a bit freshman year, and Percy was well-liked, so when he stepped in people started leaving me alone. I looked up to him, but it was just hero worship, and he had a girlfriend anyway.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason nodded as if to indicate he was listening. “What about this?” He gestured to a drawing that, unlike most of Nico’s drawings, was done in colored pencil rather than regular graphite. A pitch black raven stood on the laying stems of four flowers while holding a fifth in its beak.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico’s throat was dry. “Ravens were my older sister Bianca’s favorite animal. As for the flowers, well, it’s no secret flowers have symbolic meaning.” He pointed to each flower as he listed them, ending with the one in the bird’s mouth. “Striped carnation for refusal. Yellow carnation for disdain. Black-eyed Susan for justice. Purple hyacinth for sorrow. Lotus flower for enlightenment.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“The five stages of grief,” Jason said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico raised his eyebrows. “Yeah. I didn’t expect you to make the connection.” He looked away as he smiled.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“So your sister…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico nodded. He braced himself for an attempt at comfort, but all he found was a steadying hand on his shoulder, which provided actual comfort.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I get it,” Jason said. “My older sister Thalia was in the army. Technically she’s missing, not dead, but...it’s been years. She’s not coming home.” He took a deep breath, keeping himself together. “When did you lose Bianca?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico wrapped his arms around himself. “When I was ten. I’ve mourned her for longer than I had her, which is a weird position to be in.” He chewed his lip. “Tell me about Thalia.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason smiled, somber but affectionate. “She was a total badass. Very punk, very feminist. She’s actually the reason I ask before I kiss people. When I was old enough for dating and sex to be on my mind, she was the one to sit me down and give me a thorough talking to, including a lecture on how many well-meaning guys have made her uncomfortable without realizing and probably remember things differently than she does. That was kind of an eye-opening talk for me. She was there for me in all the ways my parents weren’t.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She sounds awesome,” Nico said. “I’m sorry I won’t get to meet her.” Nico realized after the words were out how weird they were. He had no idea if Jason would ever want to see him again after tonight, much less be close enough that they’d ever be anywhere near each other’s families. He relaxed only upon seeing the warm look on Jason’s face.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico continued, “She doesn’t sound like the kind of person who would fit into your parents’ world, though.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason took on a proud look. “Oh god, she absolutely wasn’t. Our dad went ballistic when she got a girlfriend, both for how it made him look and for her no longer being available to flaunt as potential marriage material to some other big business kid. She got out at eighteen and never looked back except to visit me. I’d say I was meeting up with some friend and walk somewhere for her to pick me up. Even though she couldn’t always physically be there, she never let me down.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You glow when you talk about her,” Nico said, voice fond.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason squeezed his shoulder. “What about you and your sister?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico stepped closer to Jason, who took the hint and put his arm around him. “Our relationship was complicated,” he said. “Our parents...they weren’t abusive or anything, but aside from the basic physical needs, they weren’t really there for us. We had each other, which left Bianca caught between being my sister and being my mom. I could never have a normal relationship with her, and I don’t know if our weird dynamic made our relationship stronger or more strained.” He chewed his lip. “And then she died in a car accident, and from there I was kind of on my own until I made friends in high school, which was mostly thanks to Percy for pulling me into his friend group.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico laughed, running a hand through his hair. “I can’t believe I’m telling you all this.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Chuckling, Jason said, “Me neither. That </span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m</span>
  </em>
  <span> telling </span>
  <em>
    <span>you</span>
  </em>
  <span> all this, I mean. I don’t think I’ve ever told anyone this much about me besides Piper. Actually, I’m not sure I even gave her this much. Part of me was always afraid she wouldn’t like me anymore.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico pondered his words. “Maybe she thought you were boring not because you are, but because you weren’t giving her a chance to really know you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason opened and closed his mouth. “Yeah, maybe. I was dead set on getting her back, but honestly, the more time I spend away from her, the more other cracks in our former relationships start to show. Even aside from that, I don’t think we were that compatible. We had certain perceptions of each that just weren’t real.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Until recently I don't think I would have been able to understand how someone could have a warped view of their partner, but the more I think about Nathan, the more I’m starting to,” Nico said, he and Jason wandering to the living room and sitting on the couch. “I think I had rose-colored glasses on for him. Him making me feel guilty for not having sex with him wasn’t a one-time thing. It wasn’t just that, either. He always made me feel like...like I was lucky he noticed me, much less asked me out. When I was honest about my insecurities, he would be sweet in the moment, but he’d always throw them back in my face later.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico slouched forward, burying his face in his hands. “God I’m stupid. I was walking along a road surrounded in red flags and still managed to miss every one. I’m a dumbass.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Stop it,” Jason said, his voice the most firm it had been tonight, his hand on Nico’s shoulder. “He was being manipulative for the exact purpose of making you miss how shitty he was being. He knew what he was doing. That’s not your fault. What matters is that you’re not with that shitbag anymore, and you can do whatever you want to do. So what do you want to do?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico sat up and turned his head to Jason, who despite seeing Nico’s watery eyes held no judgment, only compassion. The corners of his mouth were upturned, a smile that was reassuring at the same time it exuded how out of his depth Jason was in comforting someone. Nico’s gaze caught on Jason’s scar again, his mind filling with how stupidly attractive it was.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I want to kiss that scar on your lip,” Nico said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason’s eyes widened, face flushing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sorry,” Nico said, looking away as he was cringing, “I—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It’s okay,” Jason said. “You just caught me off-guard. I didn’t think you’d want…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I like kissing,” Nico said. “And making out and stuff. And I like you, so.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason laughed under his breath, scooting toward Nico until their thighs were pressed together, his hand cupping Nico’s cheek and guiding his head to face him. “I like you too,” he said. His thumb grazed Nico’s cheekbone. Nico liked the stark contrast between Jason’s build and the way he handled himself and Nico.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We don’t have to do anything,” Nico said, just in case.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know,” Jason said. “But I want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico smiled before pressing a kiss to Jason’s scar. He shifted with his next kiss, landing squarely on Jason’s lips. Their contact now was less reserved, neither of them held back by false pretences of what they wanted.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico nipped Jason’s lip, whispering, “I liked you kissing my neck before.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason grinned, tangling his fingers in Nico’s hair and tugging his head back, exposing his neck. This time each kiss, suck, and bite was slow due to teasing Nico rather than concern over overstepping a boundary. Jason smiled against Nico’s skin each time he earned a small gasp or moan. Turning, Jason positioned them the long way along the couch, complying when Nico moved to take off his shirt. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You okay if I leave a mark?” Nico asked with a mischievous glint in his eye that made Jason swallow.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Go ahead,” he said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico left a trail of hickies from the soft spot under Jason’s ear to the center of his Apollo’s belt, just above the top edge of his jeans, losing his shirt as well somewhere along the journey. The spots Jason reacted to most were marked by the darkest bruises. Without the pressure of his partner wanting to go all the way, Nico was having a delightful time.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Nico was done, Jason eagerly pulled him up into a more intense kiss that gradually slowed down again. Then, pulling back, he said, “Um, would it be weird if I, uh…” He gestured to what looked to be an uncomfortable tent in his jeans, then to the bathroom. He was turning red.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jacked off because you’re turned on?” Nico said, laughing, the volume increasing when Jason’s oncoming blush became a blazing red. “Go ahead.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason pressed a quick kiss to his lips, disappearing into the bathroom for a few minutes before returning to Nico’s side. Nico snuggled into him, Jason’s arm wrapping around his shoulders as he was dropping a kiss on his head.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Before Nico could comment on it, Jason said, “Can I ask you something?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s already asking me something, but sure,” Nico said with a smirk.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason rolled his eyes without malice. “If this is an asshole question, feel free to tear me a new asshole or something, but I’m curious...If you’re asexual and sex-repulsed, how come you still enjoy getting so...physically intense, I guess? The hickies and stripping and touching and stuff. For me that stuff tends to lead to sex and that’s kind of the point, so I guess I don’t get what the appeal is for you if you don’t want what most people would consider the payoff.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s not an asshole question,” Nico said. “Um, I’m actually kind of glad you asked instead of just assuming I was lying earlier. I guess the simplest way to put it is that I’m a journey over destination kind of person. The making out and touching all feels good in its own right. And for the stuff like hickies that’s kind of explicitly to turn you on...It makes me feel in control and desired, and that’s a nice feeling. Like having someone appreciate my art even if I’m not willing to sell it to them. Does that make sense?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“It does, actually,” Jason said, rubbing random patterns on Nico’s skin. “Thanks.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>To even Nico’s surprise, he kissed Jason’s cheek. “Do you want to watch a movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason perked up. “Yeah, that sounds great.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico retrieved their shirts from the floor while Jason turned on the TV, scouting Nico’s streaming services and learning they both had an affinity for Disney movies. Nathan had always thought they were childish. Jason laid down, arms outstretched in an offer, and Nico crawled between them, his back pressed to Jason’s warm chest.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico felt cozy and safe, for a moment forgetting he’d only met Jason that night. This should be awkward, but it wasn’t, and Jason didn’t feel like a stranger anymore. The pair remained wrapped up together, watching movies and talking until they fell asleep.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>In the morning Nico awoke to sun in his eyes and a face nuzzling against the side of his neck from behind. He tensed before his mind pieced together the night before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“G’morning,” Jason mumbled, lips brushing Nico’s skin.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>When Nico moved Jason loosened his grip so Nico could turn around and face him. “Good morning,” Nico said. He was completely out of his element and had no idea what he was doing.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason gave him a chaste kiss. “So last night was interesting.” His smile made Nico sigh in relief, as if he’d half been expecting Jason to be angry over the turn of events.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Nico said, unable to help a nervous chuckle. He unwound himself from Jason so he could sit up, Jason soon doing the same.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason checked his phone, replying to a few messages before he put it away. “Look, I’m sorry, but—”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“This was a mistake?” Nico said, hoping his voice didn’t betray the sinking feeling in his gut. He enjoyed Jason’s company and didn’t want this to be the last time he saw him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No!” Jason said, then flushed, looking away. “I mean, unless it was for you, I guess.”</span>
  </p><p>
  <span>“It wasn’t,” Nico said. “I meant what I said. I like you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason faced him again, beaming. “I meant that, too.” He ran a hand through his hair. “I was just going to say that I need to go get ready for work.” He was fidgeting like he had been at the bar the night before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d like to see you again, if you want to,” Nico blurted. “Like...go on a real date?” He licked his lips, hands clutching each other in his lap.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’d love to,” Jason said. He took his phone back out, handing it to Nico, who input his number.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Nico di Angelo,” Jason read after taking his phone back. “I like it.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A few seconds later, Nico’s phone buzzed with a text from an unknown number, reading, “You look cute with morning hair.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico’s face warm, his hand smoothing over his hair. “Shut up.” Despite his words, he liked the compliment. He saved the number, hesitating with the name. “What’s your last name?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason frowned. “It’s, uh, Grace.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico nodded, finishing the contact, then stopped. “Wait.” He frowned. “As in, Grace Enterprises? That’s your parents’ company?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason winced, shrinking.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico took his hand, giving it a squeeze. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound like it’s a big deal. It’s just when you said big company...I didn’t know you meant </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> big.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason took little reassurance from his words. “Is...is that okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico nodded. “Of course, Jason. You’re more than your last name.” To emphasize his sincerity, he kissed him on the cheek, which seemed to finally calm him.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason slipped on his jacket, Nico walking him to the door. He bit his lip. “So I guess I’ll text you? Or you’ll text me? Or something.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah,” Nico said.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason shifted back and forth before at last opening the door.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Jason,” Nico said, catching his wrist. His hand on the back of Jason’s neck, he pulled Jason in for a short, hard kiss. “Um, bye.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jason’s dorky smile that followed left Nico buzzing from head to toe long past when Jason was out of sight. Unable to resist, he pulled out his phone and shot Jason a text: “Wednesday at eight, The Small Fry Diner?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The response came within seconds. “Can’t wait :)”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Nico pressed his back to his apartment door, grinning like a fool and pressing his phone to his chest. Jason was right: Nico deserved better than Nathan. He deserved someone who cared about and respected him. He deserved Jason Grace.</span>
</p>
  </div></div>
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